


Shepard's Secret

by BMS



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Ambiguous Female Character, POV Male Shepard, Soldier turned Biotic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-22 02:16:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3711076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BMS/pseuds/BMS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The galaxy believes it knows everything about John Shepard. His work with the Alliance, his work as a Spectre, and now his work with Cerberus. </p>
<p>They don't know everything. </p>
<p>Neither does he.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chaper 1

“Shepard! Do you see him?” Thane’s voice called out over the comm

“His bodyguard is shaking down the Storekeeper” 

“Keeps his hands clean. Smart. I’m moving ahead to a better position” 

“Copy that” 

Shepard kept his eye on the Turian politician that was supposed to be assassinated by Thane’s son, but he just couldn’t stay focused on the mission at hand. His body was going through the motions and his responses were automatic, but his mind couldn’t be further away. Anderson’s cold dismissal on the Citadel and Kaidan’s angry words at Horizon were slowly wearing Shepard’s resolve down. He was losing friend after friend and none of it was really his fault or his doing. People needed saved and because he was the only one willing to get the job done it made him the bad person. All that didn’t stop him from sending constant reports detailing his missions and various information on Cerberus to Anderson and Hackett. Nothing was ever said about these reports, of course. 

Shaking his head, he tried to change his focus from the depressing state his life was in to anything else. Shepard caught a brief glance of Thane on another walkway and was immediately reminded of the times he’d play this game in his youth. Games of cat and mouse through ships and warehouses, almost catching the mouse he chased. He got to be pretty good just before he left to join the alliance, but never quite good enough. She was always just a little better than he was. 

The mission was finished quickly with father and son reunited and their relationship started the healing process. Thane wasn’t too bad of a guy, despite the whole ‘Being an assassin’ part. He’d made mistakes and wanted to fix them. Sure, he’d probably gone about it in the wrong way, but nobody is perfect. 

Thane walked out of the interrogation room that held his son, eyes still glistening and shoulders held a little looser. 

“Ready to go?” Shepard had already taken care of arrangements for Kolyat with Bailey, so there was no reason to linger

Thane seemed to hesitate for a brief moment, “Yes. Thank you Shepard” 

Shepard waved his hand through the air while turning away. “No one should be thanked for being a decent person” 

Thane followed closely behind Shepard while they both headed back to the Normandy. “Regardless, it needs to be said. I’m sure it is not said to you enough” 

Shepard smirked to himself. “Maybe not, but it doesn’t really bother me” 

They walked in silence for the rest of the way to the Normandy, though Thane was far more quiet than Shepard. Just before they reached the Rapid Transit, Thane grabbed Shepard’s arm and stopped him. Shepard gave his surroundings a quick once over before giving the Drell his attention. 

“What is it Thane?” He spoke a bit more harshly than he intended

“Shepard. I have been in a Battle Sleep for years, so I know what it looks like. Know that you can share your pain with me in confidence” 

Shepard gave Thane a hard look, looking for some joke or disingenuous motive, but found nothing but truth. He gave Thane a tight smile while patting his hand, hoping he succeeded in hiding his discomfort. 

“Thank you Thane”

The rest of the trip was made in silence. Shepard just wanted to take a shower and have this day be over. Kelly called out to him, but he simply waved her off. He didn’t need her to inform him that someone was looking for him, as he already made it a point to talk to his crew near daily. Not to mention most of the crew went to him directly already, instead of going through his unofficial doorman. Telling him he had messages was even more maddeningly unnecessary, since he checked his messages at least once a day and always in the privacy of his own quarters.

As soon as he stepped into his quarters, he noticed he wasn’t alone. 

“You got new a dossier from the Illusive Man” Garrus announced as soon as the door shut

“Oh yeah? How long did it take to convince Edi to give you access to those?” Shepard moved over to his locker and began taking off his armor.

Garrus had been coming by his room after missions and during off hours more and more often. It didn’t bother Shepard having his best friend around more often, he just sometimes pondered his motives. Thane had just mentioned noticing Shepard’s ‘Battle Sleep’, which made him wonder if Garrus had come to a similar conclusion.

“About an hour and a pleasant chat with Miranda” Garrus replied in a somewhat joking tone similar to Joker’s 

It didn’t take long for the practiced soldier to take his armor off and stow it.  Shepard looked down at himself before decided to just keep his undersuit on. It didn’t matter to Garrus if Shepard was naked, him being a Turian and all, but it just felt unprofessional to Shepard to walk around naked. 

Garrus handed the datapad over as soon as Shepard sat down on the couch with him.  Just one dossier this time instead of several. Shepard couldn’t imagine bringing more people onto this mission, but he also wasn’t about to turn down any kind of specialist whom was crazy enough to agree to work with Cerberus on a suicide mission. 

“A master thief. She’s supposedly the best out there, but I’ve never heard of her” Garrus gave his opinion before being asked

_From: Illusive Man_

_Shepard,_

_At great cost and effort, we have tracked down the master thief Irene Adler and convinced her to work with you. Very few people have ever heard of her, and fewer can claim to have seen her in person. She is unequaled at stealth and infiltration, and her skills will prove invaluable in your mission._

_Travel to the Zakera Ward on the Citadel. There you will find a special ad terminal that differs from the usual. Input the password "Silence is golden" to begin the rendezvous._

_Alias - Irene Adler_

_Real Name - unknown_

_Specie- Human (Race unknown)_

_Age- Unknown (Est. Late twenties-early thirties)_

_\- Master of stealth and infiltration_

_\- Skilled hacker and information specialist_

_\- Possible biotic ability_

_\- Operates completely off the grid_

_\- No criminal record_

A thief helping them fight against the Collectors? The Illusive Man certainly found all types

“Well, if she’s good enough to operate completely off the grid, then she’ll at least be useful” Shepard looked over the sparse data again

“A thief? Really Shepard? Don’t we have enough crazy?” Garrus sassed his friend while relaxing into the couch

Shepard gave Garrus a sideways look. “At least it’s never boring around here” 

Garrus flexed his mandibles outward in the Turian version of a smile. Having read through the information several times and making his decision, Shepard tossed the datapad on the table in front of them and also relaxed into his couch. 

“I’ll grab her in the morning,” He glanced to Garrus. “Want to come with?” 

“That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I have a lead on Sidonis. He’s here on the Citadel” His voice was harsher now, which conflicted with his relaxed posture

“Oh yeah? Where do we start?” 

“Sidonis was seen with some character named Fade. Some sort of expert in making people disappear. I just so happen to have an appointment tomorrow afternoon” 

“Perfect. We’ll get her first thing, then grab a good meal before meeting Fade. Who would you like to be our third?” 

Shepard felt that since this was Garrus’ business that he should be the one picking the other squad member. 

Garrus was thoughtful for a moment before speaking, “The new girl” 

“Are you sure? We haven’t even met her yet” Was shocked, but knew Garrus had a good reason

“I don’t want to deal with any judgment on my actions. Everyone on this ship will have something to say. I believe a thief new to the party would know when to keep their mouth shut” 

Shepard smirked to himself. This was the Garrus he’d come to love. Kind and caring to his friends and allies, but a scourge to his enemies. 

“Try her out right away. I like it”. Shepard looked to Garrus, noting his posture and mandibles had gotten stiffer. “Get some rest and be ready to go by 1000”

Garrus nodded to Shepard and left the room quickly. Shepard could guess that his emotions were starting to bubble forth and he didn’t want anyone to set him off. That was one of the first things they taught about the Turians in the Alliance: an angry Turian is a dangerous Turian, even to his allies. 


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Shepard found Garrus waiting next to the cockpit, armed and ready to go. Joker seemed to be making a point of ignoring him. 

“Ready to pick up our newest crew member?” Garrus was making an effort to keep his voice light, probably as to not alarm the human crew

“Wait, what?” Joker piped up while turning around in his chair. “We don’t have enough crazy, homicidal maniacs? You want more?” 

“Don’t worry yourself, Joker. This is just a thief” 

“Sure. Just a thief, he says. I’m going to remember that for when they turn out to be crazy like the rest of you” Joker dismissed as he turned back around 

Shepard and Garrus made their way to Zakera Ward in complete silence. The agitation was coming off Garrus in waves causing most of the people around them to keep their distance. Thankfully they found the special terminal quickly. As soon as Shepard walked up to it, it chimed to life, revealing the face of a human female whose head and upper face was covered by some sort of black hood.

“Hello Commander Shepard. Can I interest you in a special offer? You only need to say the magic words” Her voice was so light and jovial. It immediately put the solders on edge

“Silence is Golden” He spoke the words in a monotone voice, not wanting to play at any game she might have going

She smiled a toothy grin. “Congratulations, Commander. You’ve unlocked the special prize” Then the screen fizzled out

“Joker was right,” Garrus broke the tense moment. “She’s crazy” 

Shepard chuckled to himself, but didn’t miss the footstep behind him. He spun around, hand on his gun, only to come face to face with Irene Adler. He had to consciously relax his posture, straightening to his full height. That’s when he noticed she was a fair bit shorter than he was. She wore black, skin tight light armor that covered nearly every bit of skin and didn’t bare many identifiable markers. He could see a place where a pistol would attach, but no evidence of an actual pistol.

“Irene Adler” She didn’t seem intimidated by them at all and Shepard couldn’t decide if he liked that or not

“Hello, Commander. Am I to assume that I am joining your crew or has your better judgment prevailed?” She was still smiling and speaking light-heartedly 

“Welcome aboard, Miss Adler” 

Irene gave a deep bow to the Commander and then to Garrus, completely confusing the Turian squad mate. 

“This wasn’t covered in my training manuals,” Garrus turned to Shepard. “What does this custom mean?” 

“It’s a show of respect in some earth cultures” Irene answered, still smiling

“Only in the old Asian cultures. You are neither old or Asian” Shepard stated. He could only see her nose and mouth clearly, but her skin was very pale. If there was any Asian in her, it was small enough that she was “Mixed”, instead of “Asian”

“Most aliens have a hard time understanding the idiosyncrasies of human body language. I have found the more simplistic and exaggerated forms cross cultural barriers the best. Also, that’s rude and insensitive. You don’t know my linage or heritage.” Her tone was firm, but held no hint that his comment had offended her. He was pleasantly surprised at her cultural awareness, but figured it’d make sense given her line of work. After Jack and Grunt, someone who was well educated and socially conscious was a welcome change

“Ah, that makes sense. Thank you” Garrus responded by returning the bow

“Please, forgive me” Shepard also returned the bow, even though he knew he didn’t have to

“No need, Commander. Shall I head back to your ship and get settled in?” 

“Not just yet. You’re going to come with us on an errand Garrus has”

“But I just got here” Her voiced took a tone Jokers typically took when he was joking around

“We’ll do a meet and greet over lunch and give you a test run during the errand. If you meet the criteria, you’ll get to stay. If not, we’re kicking you off at speed” Shepard spoke with the slightest amount of mirth creeping into his voice. Her light and cheerful attitude was certainly infectious 

“And here I was worried about things being boring on a military vessel” 

“There is never a dull moment around Shepard” Garrus laughed while lightly punching Shepard lightly on the arm 

The trio made their way to a nearby restaurant that was levo/dextro and wasn’t that crowded. Irene jumped up to order first, before quickly walking off to find a table. Garrus followed her soon after , leaving Shepard to order and pay. It wasn’t hard to find them sitting at a table towards the back of the restaurant by the large front widows. All of his friends seemed to stand out

“You know, I’ve always wondered…is what they say about Palaven boys true?” 

Garrus chose to awkwardly rub his neck opposed to answering the thief’s toothy question. 

“Don’t harass Garrus” 

“It was a simple question” It was difficult to see anything other than the shine of her eyes, but anyone could see the flirtatious eyebrow waggle

Their food came quickly, providing a much needed distraction for the two soldiers. They just didn’t know what to do with Irene. The hunt for Sidonis would start soon, meaning they would know soon how well she did in a conventional fight. After the food was finished, Garrus began speaking about his skills in battle and history with Shepard to Irene. 

Shepard took the opportunity to watch the people outside walk by, unaware of most things that happened in the galaxy. A young human girl with flaming red hair ran by, chasing after another young girl. The sight of that red hair made his heart constrict painfully in his chest and cause emotions that he thought he had long since buried to start to bubble. Trying to conceal the change, he feigned a nonchalant posture. Garrus was too wrapped up boasting his skills to Irene to notice, but she did. Even with her eyes mostly cloaked in darkness by her hood, Shepard could tell she was watching him closely. For a moment all they did was stare at one another, not sizing each other up so much, but studying each other. Though, if Shepard was going to be honest, she was probably better at this than he was. 

Garrus’ omnitool chimed to life. “It’s time” All emotion had managed to leave his voice

Shepard nodded and allowed Garrus to lead them to the meeting point. Irene took the standard spot for the third squad member without being prompted or guided. They walked to a small shipping warehouse and found the last thing they ever expected to find: a Volus, flanked by two blood pack Krogan. 

“Which one of you needs to disappear?” He gestured widely 

“I’d rather you make someone reappear” Garrus’ voice was low and dangerous

When Garrus pulled his gun on the Volus and Shepard instinctively did the same only a second later. He spared a glance to Irene, suddenly remembering that she was not a soldier and might not even have a weapon, but she had a gun and it was pointing at the correct people. 

After convincing the Krogan bodyguards to leave, the Volus to spill what information he had. He wasn’t Fade, surprising no one, but he gave up the actual name of Fade. Harkin, the slimy weasel, was the true Fade and was hiding in the Factory District. With one last threat thrown at the Volus, they were on their way to the factory district. Garrus took the wheel of the skycar, while Shepard got shotgun and Irene made herself at home in the backseat. 

They arrived at the Factory District and found Harkin flanked by Blue Suns mercenaries shortly after. He had quickly sent out the small army of Blue Suns Mercenaries to deal with the trio, slowing their progress through the factory floor only marginally. 

Garrus was moving ahead quite quickly, making it difficult to keep up. A LOKI Mech surprised Shepard when it started to fire on his flank. Before he could even make a move to defend himself, an overload flew past him, hitting it square in the chest ad quickly dropping it. He spared a quick glance over his shoulder to see how Irene was faring, belatedly remembering she was even there. Turns out Irene was more than capable of protecting the flanks with her pistol and overload ability. Good thing, since Garrus was on the Turian equivalent of a Krogan Blood Rage.

By the time they reached Harkin, he was desperately trying to make deals while still trying to be in charge. The swift head butt Garrus delivered put him I his place. Shepard only stepped in when Garrus had Harkin on the floor and threatening to break his neck. They needed the bastard alive to get the information on Sidonis from him. After that, Harkin was more compliant in giving them what they wanted. Shepard turned his back towards him so Garrus could shoot him in the leg. Honestly, the slimy bastard deserved more, but this would have to do. Another skycar and they were on their way again. Shepard spared another glance to Irene, wondering what she thought of this situation, but he found her lightly tapping some beat against her legs while looking out the window. Nothing going on seemed to faze her, at least outwardly.

The plan was easy enough. Shepard would go to Sidonis as the ‘associate’ Harkin mentioned, then keep him talking until Garrus got into position. Sidonis was easily spotted and waved over by Shepard. Even to those not well versed in Turian body language could see he was nervous. Looking at him, Shepard felt like there was something else going on here other than the fear of the Archangel. So, he stopped the execution to let Sidonis talk. Garrus was less than pleased about this, but he quieted down once Sidonis started talking. By the end of it, Shepard wanted to kill this guy. You don’t sacrifice good friends that you had sworn to defend to save your own skin. In the end, Sidonis happily accepted Garrus’ judgment for his crimes, which was a single bullet through the head. 

Shepard left the body of the traitor quickly, hoping to be out of the area before anyone noticed, and managed to make it back to the skycar at the same time as Garrus. 

“You ready to go?” They needed to get out of the area before C-Sec moved in

Garrus regarded his friend for a brief moment before speaking. “You let him talk, but still let me kill him…” 

“It’s not me that has to live with this, Garrus. It’s you. I just wanted you to have all of the information before you pulled that trigger” 

Garrus nodded before they climbed back into the skycar and headed back to the Normandy. It was only them that Shepard realized that he had completely forgotten about Irene again. He looked back at her, finding her completely relaxed with one leg folded over the other and her hands in her lap, but she had that same intense look on her face. Almost like she was trying to read his mind. 

Shepard took point and led the other two directly back to the Normandy. It was unlikely that anyone would have been able to identify either Garrus or Shepard, but just in case he figured they should leave the Citadel and spend some time away from it. When they were standing through the decontamination cycle, Shepard turned to Irene. 

“You can settle in the port observation deck. I’m sure Miranda, the official XO, will give you a brief soon enough” 

Irene turned her head enough that Shepard could see one eye clearly, noting the green color. “You don’t give the briefs?” Her voice had an airy quality, somewhere between joking and flirting

“This is technically a Cerberus operation, so I let them do the paperwork and heavy lifting” 

Irene smirked, “A loveless marriage?” 

Shepard gave her a small, genuine smile. “Something like that. I’ll drop by later to see how you’re doing, ok?” 

“Sounds lovely” 

Irene walked out of the chamber with Garrus, though the two didn’t exchange any words. Joker, the little voyeur, gave a low, appreciative whistle. 

“Say what you will about Cerberus, but damn. They sure can pick ‘em” Joker spoke while his eyes never left Irene’s ass

“I owe you a drink” Something about the comment or the stare annoyed Shepard in a way he could explain, so he chose to change the subject

It was enough to snap him out of his trance, “Huh? Why?” 

“She’s crazy” He stated while walking away, though Joker’s laughter echoed throughout the CIC


	3. Chapter 3

Cerberus may be a pro-human terrorist organization hell bent on making humanity superior, but at least they could build a nice shower. Shepard hated to admit enjoying this indulgence, but he figured after everything he had been through, no one could fault him for enjoying a shower. After his brief break, he he decided he should probably go check on Garrus. He was pretty charged up today and even an Asari would have a hard time coming down from it. 

When Shepard walked into the Main Battery, he unsurprisingly found Garrus at the console, typing away. 

“How you doing, Garrus?” 

Garrus spun around to greet Shepard. “I’m doing a lot better now, Shepard. Thank you again” 

Shepard took a seat on a supply crate by the far wall. “No need to thank me, Garrus. It’s what friends do” 

“Friends also talk to one another,” Garrus gave him a pointed look

All Shepard could do was sigh. “Yeah, I know”

The two stayed in silence for several moments. Shepard was lost in thought about a million different things while Garrus waited for his friend to come back. Shepard gave another sigh, before speaking again. 

“Have you ever loved someone so much that you weren’t sure where you stopped and they started?” His voice was soft, so unlike him 

Garrus regarded his friend carefully. “No, not really. Tried hard not to love someone like that” He paused, waiting for Shepard to continue. “Have you?” 

“Yeah, I have. Loved a woman so much it hurt” Shepard smiled ruefully to himself briefly. “Still hurts” 

Anyone could see that Shepard was hurting, but trying hard not to show it. Garrus sat down next to his friend, knowing humans liked proximity when in pain. 

“What happened to her?” He let his soothing subvocals come out thickly. He knew it was unlikely to help Shepard in the same way it would help a fellow Turian, but, as the humans said, it’s the thought that counts

“She went missing,” another pause. “Presumed dead” he about choked on the emotion that came with those two words

Garrus wasn’t really sure what to do for his friend. He was an investigator, not a councilor

“How long ago?” 

He looked up and that’s when Garrus saw how shiny his eyes were. “Fifteen years” 

All Garrus could do was put his hand on his shoulder. Holding on to that kind of hurt for fifteen years was unfathomable to him. 

“I couldn’t imagine going on living after something like that. How’d you do it?” 

“Threw myself into my work and buried it mostly” 

The two shared a low laugh at Shepard’s confession. Garrus would have liked to tell Shepard that that particular view point wasn’t healthy, but he wasn’t exactly one to talk. He decided on patting Shepard on the back harshly

“If you ever want to try dealing with your grief the way Turians do, I’d be more than happy to show you” 

“How do Turians deal with grief?” 

“Beating the crap out of each other mostly” That got a nice hearty laugh out of Shepard. If nothing else, Garrus was good for getting someone to laugh. “Have you thought about seeing someone?” He suggested awkwardly, not really sure how to make this suggestion to a human

“See someone?” Shepard was confused by his suggestion, which meant this was going to get more awkward 

“For comfort. Or sex? It doesn’t need to be serious. Just an outlet” Garrus stumbled through his suggestion. He knew from his manuals in the Academy that humans were an extremely verbose specie and took offense easily, but Shepard was a very understanding human

Shepard sat in silence for a moment. “Like who?” He asked quietly

Garrus shrugged his shoulders and pretended to be thoughtful, “Everyone knows Liara had a thing for you. Fewer knew that so did Tali. Any number of the human crew would be willing, I’m sure” 

Shepard stood up from the crate, though the smile on his face meant Garrus hadn’t insulted him. “I’ll consider it if you try the same” 

All Garrus could do was chuckle to himself and shake his head. Leave it to Shepard to only attempt personal growth when he had the opportunity to drag someone with him. “Deal”

Once down the hall, Shepard needed to figure out if he wanted to do rounds tonight or wait until the morning. There wasn’t one person on the boat that wouldn’t understand why he put his rounds off. He should at least go and check on Irene and see how the meet and greet with Miranda went. The doors to the port observation deck opened to reveal nothing out of the ordinary. The main lights were off, leaving the much softer secondary lights to light room. A job which they did poorly. A quick once over the room revealed that Irene was not here. 

“Edi? Where’s Irene?” He was only a little peeved that she was already out wandering about the ship

“I’m here, Commander” Irene called out from the couch while deactivating the cloaking device he wasn’t aware she had. Master of stealth and infiltration, he remembered with a silent groan. Of course she would have a cloaking device. He really needed to get his head in the game before something bad happened to him 

“Forgive my ignorance. It slipped my mind that you may have had a cloaking device” Shepard tried to keep the irritation out of his voice. It wasn’t her fault he missed something so crucial

“No need to beat yourself up over that, my dear Commander” She spoke softly while setting aside a book that had been hidden by her bent legs

“Mind if I ask what you were reading?” He asked while sitting down on the opposite end of the couch

“The Sign of the Four by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle,” She replied with a smile 

“A Sherlock fan. And here I thought you might just have liked the name” He returned her smile

“I have several reasons for the name, though it’s mostly out of nostalgia” 

Shepard nodded, feeling this conversation was getting too personal. “Did Miranda stop by?”

Irene laughed loudly at that. “Yes, she did in fact. I was being funny about the loveless marriage thing. I didn’t realize how correct I was” 

“She’s getting better at the whole ice queen thing, but she’s still pretty bad at the best of times” 

“No need to explain, Commander,” She had a softness to her voice that relaxed his body. “I looked her up just after Cerberus scouted me. Her demons have demons”

“So you looked up Miranda? Look up anyone else?” There was only curiosity in his question 

“Everyone. I’ve had dealings of some sort with Thane, Zaeed, Garrus, and Tali, though I doubt most of them would know it” 

Shepard nodded again, not really sure what else he could add. This little thief seemed to already be quite knowledgeable of the crew, so there was no need to discuss the crew at any length. 

“Alright, I’ll leave you be for tonight. I’ve got to make my rounds anyway” Shepard stated while standing up, but a gentle hand on his arm stopped him. He looked at her in surprise, but found only darkness shrouding her face

“You need to rest, John. Your crew will understand”

The use of his first name threw him off balance so badly that he was thankful he was already sitting. No one had used his first name in conversation in so long, he sometimes forgot what it was. 

He gently placed his hand on hers and nodded. “If you insist” 

Irene gave him another small smile before letting him go. Shepard made his way to his room and quickly got himself into bed. The short time until he fell asleep he spent trying not to think about the little thief with the knowing smile.


	4. Chapter 4

[22.14.03] Chat room created.

To: Thane Krios  
From: Irene Adler

[22.14.04] Invite sent.  
[22.14.45] Invite accepted.

[22.15.11][text] Mr. Krios. Better watch yourself  
[22.15.20][text] I might just sneak into your room when you’re sleeping

[22.15.48][text] It is unlikely you would be able to sneak onto the ship I’m on to do so, Miss. Adler 

[22.17.02][text] I’d be able to sneak onto the Normandy just fine. Edi wouldn’t be able to detect me anymore than your standard security system

[22.18.00][text] I’m surprised you know where I am  
[22.18.11][text] I know I have been very careful 

[22.18.30][text] Don’t worry. You have been careful  
[22.18.58][text] I joined the crew a couple hours ago and was given access to certain information

[22.19.32][text] Ah. So you were the new crew member I heard some of the Cerberus crew talking about  
[22.20.01][text] Good to know this suicide mission will not be boring 

[22.20.26][text] This mission was already not going to be boring.  
[22.20.35][text] The legendary Commander Shepard leading a crew of aliens and racist humans against the Collector threat?  
[22.20.39][text] Please…

[22.20.19][text] Sounds like you have a case of hero worship 

[22.21.22][text] I don’t

[22.21.39][text] If you insist

[22.24.47][text] How long has he been like this?

[22.25.20][text] Since before I joined. From what I gleaned from conversations with other crew members, he’s been this way since before Saren 

[22.26.08][text] That’s what I had figured 

[22.26.56][text] Oh?  
[22.27.05][text] Sounds like you know than you’re letting on, as usual

[22.27.30][text] You know me

[22.07.30] Chat room closed.

Several days later Shepard and Miranda helped Jacob investigate a report that the distress beacon on the ship that his father was on that went missing had recently came online. The mission itself was emotionally draining and ended with Jacob’s father being taken in by the Alliance authorities. It was very late when Shepard got changed, but stopped by the armory anyway to see how Jacob was doing. It took only a few sentences to decide that Miranda would be a better choice to help him.

So Shepard headed down to the mess hall to grab a late night dinner. He was greeted by an empty room and the distant buzzing of the engines. Normally he wouldn’t mind the solitude, but he just wasn’t in the mood tonight.

“Edi?” He asked the air while grabbing a tray of leftover dinner Garner always left him when missions ran late

“Yes, Commander?”

“Is anyone currently awake?” Because that wasn’t a creepy request

“Operative Taylor and XO Lawson…”

Obviously, Shepard thought sarcastically

“…and my sensors are detecting raised biotic levels in the Port Observation Deck matching those of Miss Adler, but higher than what she gives off while resting. I would assume she is awake as well” 

Shepard paused for a moment, digesting the information. “You don’t know for certain?” 

“Miss Adler has considerable Tech abilities, even rivaling those of Miss Tali’Zorah vas Neema. She disabled all of my interior monitoring sensors within the first hour, so I must rely on external sensors.” It could have been his imagination, but Edi sounded annoyed

“Thanks EDI. I’ll go bug her about that” He laughed mostly to himself

As he approached the door, he could feel the dark energy begin to thicken in the air. Ever since waking up, he had been noticing the dark energy that biotics emitted more and more. Once he opened the door, the biotic energy became even thicker. Irene was sitting on the floor facing the large window with dark energy just pouring off her. It took only a moment for her to notice his intrusion and once she did all the energy coming off of her dissipated. 

“Hello Commander. I see your latest mission was successful” Her voice was softer than usual

“Yes, it was” He stood there, food in hand, unsure if his intrusion was at all welcome. “Mind if I join you?” 

“I wouldn’t mind the company” With a graceful movement she was off the floor. “Would you like a drink?” She asked while motioning to the bar

A drink to go with dinner sounded just fine, so he took a seat at the bar while she went around and began preparing a drink for him. The food he grabbed smelled delicious, so he began eating with vigor, taking several bites before remembering where he was and whom he was with. Sheepishly, he looked up to Irene, hoping his rudeness was excusable, but he found her happily mixing him a drink. The drink she finished for him was sweet, but clearly alcoholic. 

“You make a good drink” 

“Thanks. It’s a hobby” Irene replied with a smile 

Shepard just couldn’t get over how overly happy this woman was. It was certainly contagious, but he still unconsciously fought against the happy feelings that wanted to come out. Maybe he was still suspicious of everyone around him still. Or just suspicious of this little thief’s motives. 

“How was the ship while I was gone?” Shepard tried to think of something to talk about that wasn’t too personal. He always hated starting any conversation with something overly personal

“Garrus, Tali, and Thane were talking about you.” His head shot up at that, but her raised hand stopped any question in his throat. “Nothing bad. They’re just worried about you, is all” 

All Shepard could do was sigh while rubbing in temple. Was everyone noticing his mood now? “I probably shouldn’t be surprised, but I like my private life to stay private” 

“It was nothing private, John. They were just discussing what they had noticed about you lately and comparing it to the way you were before, in the case of Garrus and Tali”

His chest tightened slightly at the use of his first name. This was starting to confuse him greatly, but now was not the time to think about it. 

“What did they say?”

Irene smirked, “I wasn’t aware that Alliance Captains or Spectres partook in ship gossip”

“At the moment, I am neither” He took a bite of his food. “And I might be bored” 

She leaned forward, as if to tell Shepard a secret. “Most men either find hobbies or willing partners when they’re bored” 

“I’m not sure I’m in a good place for anything close to a relationship and I don’t have time for most hobbies” 

“A willing partner, does not a relationship make”

“I don’t feel like screwing around with somebody and not have it mean anything. I tried that and I hated it” He took a deep draw of his drink in an effort to stop all these personal facts from coming out 

“You’d be surprised what you could find if you only looked once in awhile” She spoke softly, but her voice hid some fact he was sure he’d never get out of her. “I, Thane, and Samara all meditate. Jack, Garrus, and Grunt normally hit things. Tali codes her drone. Miranda pretends not to watch Jacob work out. We all have things we do to take our minds off our jobs” Irene looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. “What about building model ships?” 

All Shepard could do was shrug his shoulders. He’d never once thought about building model ships. Irene smirked while reaching for something beneath the bar. What she brought up a box with a picture of the Normandy on the side. 

“What’s this?” He was asking for more than just the obvious

“I found this during my last job. I’m not into building model ships, but I couldn’t part with it,” She set the box next to his empty food tray. “Consider it a gift” She spoke with a bow

“Thank you,” It had been a long time since someone had given him a gift that wasn’t something purely functional. Shepard was having a hard time not allowing the emotion to show in his voice. “I’ll give this a try next time I’m bored” 

With a nod to the thief, he grabbed the box and food tray and left her room. After dropping his tray back in the mess hall, he made his way to his quarters while still staring at the box in his hands. He barely knew anything about her and yet she seemed to know more about him than he did. When he passed through his door, he noticed the uninvited guest in his room. 

“Garrus. You’re up late” Shepard deadpanned while setting his gift on his desk. He tried so hard to not let any of his emotions slip through into his voice. If anyone would be able to pick up on it, it would be the turian 

“The same could be said about you” Garrus mirrored Shepard’s tone, but he could see Garrus’ eyes move to the gift 

“I had some dinner after the mission…”

“And shared it with the thief” Garrus finished Shepard’s sentence and the tone he used was easy enough for anyone to notice. He was pleased with himself

“Nobody else was awake and I wanted some company for dinner. Nothing happened, Garrus” His voice was full of authority, but the turian was unfazed

“Says the man whom came back with a gift,” Garrus looked the box over from his vantage point. “I may not be that familiar with human customs, but even I know what gift giving means” 

“She found it on one of her jobs. Said it might help if I had a hobby” Shepard had no idea why he was defending himself against his best friend. It’s not like this meant anything

“She’s thinking of you. It’s a good sign” 

“She’s a criminal” There was some bite in his tone now, though for what reason was unknown to him 

Silence followed Shepard’s statement. When he looked up to his friend, he noticed Garrus was giving him a stern glare

“Really Shepard? Is that what you’re getting hung up on?” The growing intensity of his voice was making Shepard worry. Garrus rose from his seat and made his way to stand in front of Shepard, having never broken eye contact. “If you haven’t noticed, Shepard, all your friends are criminals. Are you really going to let something so trivial distract you from someone who genuinely cares about you?” 

As usual, Garrus was right. Garrus had spent the last two years killing people in a lawless hellhole, then killed Sidonis in cold blood and Shepard was just fine with it. Tali was well known for her collection of pirated software. Liara was off buying and selling information. All their hands were dirty in some way, just as the galaxy was. Irene only took things, not lives. 

“I’m sorry, Garrus,” His tone was defeated, just as he was. “I’ve been so confused about everything since I woke up and things just keep piling up” 

“It’s fine, Shepard. I understand” His voice was soft, yet thick enough with subvocals that Shepard could hear them. “Just know you’re not alone in this fight. We’re all here for you.” Garrus reached over to the box sitting on the desk and used his talons to open the end. “In our own ways” A wink and he was gone, leaving Shepard with more to think about, but less burdened 

Shepard decided to get some rest instead of getting starting his new hobby, but it did not last long. The dreams always came after only a few hours and got progressively worse as the night wore on. It always got to the point where sleep was simply not going to happen, usually taking about four hours. Like every other night, Shepard awoke to some awful image that would slowly fade until gone, leaving him sweating and shaking in the darkness. He rose from his bed and stumbled to the shower, his nightmare still lingering at the edges of his mind. A quick flip of the wrist turned the shower on as hot as it would go. Shepard preferred to spend the time coming down from the nightmares in the shower with the hot water running down his face. It was easier to pretend that the water running down his face was just water, instead of acknowledging the fact that he was a broken man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is turning out to be a slower slow build than I had originally planned. Not sure how I feel about it...


	5. Chapter 5

This nights horror was when he had received the news of Mindor from Anderson. It was just a courtesy transmission from him, since he was one of the first responding teams. His mother and father, both being ex-Alliances, fought the invading slaver forces, but were overwhelmed and killed before the Alliance could arrive with reinforcements. His sister, Jane, was always a little too crafty for her own good and managed to allude the slavers. She was the only person in the colony that was alive when Anderson and his teams arrived. She was 16 at the time and John was the only surviving family she had. Shepard remembered petitioning to gain custody of her, but the courts refused. Their reasoning was that he was only 20 years old at the time and was beginning the training required for induction into the N designation program. These things were apparently enough to deny his petition and sent her to a foster home on Earth. 

Shepard could still remember the second transmission he got from Anderson about 6 months later. The case worker in charge of Jane’s case had done a routine check up at the foster home only to realized Jane was gone and no one knew where she was. Turns out the family held deep prejudices against biotics and ran her out of their home after barely a month, never caring to report it. Shepard fell into a deep depression after that, taking on harder and more dangerous challenges, hoping one day that the challenge would be too great for him. 

He tried so hard to bury the painful memories of his sister and their childhood together. The two of them had always been extremely close even though he was 4 years older. They played games of cat and mouse on the ships their parents were assigned to and later the various buildings of their colony. He’d catch a glimpse of her flaming red hair before she disappeared again, taunting him to catch her. There were some nights where his loneliness got the better of him and he would remember the nights they would spend laying together in bed; talking, relaxing, and sleeping in each others arms. Those nights he thought that they were sometimes a little too close for a brother and sister.

After his emotionally draining shower, he grabbed some underwear and slacks and sat down at his desk. The terminal immediately turned on and presented his rather empty mailbox. There was the report of the mission yesterday that he still needed to write, but he found little motivation for it. After a brief fight with his conscious, he used his access codes to take a look at the various security cams around the ship. He felt like such a voyeur when he did this, but he knew that people tended to act differently when he was around. He liked knowing how people acted all the time. 

Camera number 1 was of Joker in the cockpit. It appeared like he was arguing with Edi over something, judging by all the flailing he was doing. 

Camera number 2 was of the cargo bay, which was currently being utilized by Jacob. He had created a small gym with Shepard’s approval and it had been expanded to better accommodate the other species that used it. 

Camera number 3 was a simple black screen. The text in the bottom corner put this cam in the Port Observation Deck. Edi had said that Irene had disabled all the surveillance in that room. 

Camera number 4 was the Mess Hall. There were quite a few people there, considering the time. Garrus and the Engineers Ken, Gabby, and Tali were sitting at the end of one of the tables. Judging by everyone’s posture, Shepard could assume it was something about Garrus’ calibrations. At the other end of the same table, Thane and Irene were sitting across from each other, appearing to share quiet words. That probably meant that Thane was the one that knew of his interaction with Irene, whereas Garrus, Tali, and Zaeed did not. Shepard made a mental note to ask Irene about that later so he could tease Garrus with it as payback. 

A small window popped up on his screen before he could continue his stalking. Miranda’s face appeared in the window, looking like her usual sour self. 

“Commander,” Her clipped tone would only have the intended effect on Shepard if she had the rank to go with it. Without it, it was simply annoying. “We need to talk” 

“Oh? And here I was hoping you might just want to chat” It didn’t take long for his sarcasm to come out when talking with the unwanted XO

“I find myself in the uncomfortable position of needing your help. I’d prefer to do this without your sarcasm, please” She was being far more short with him than she usually was. Something clearly was wrong 

“Ok, Miranda. No sarcasm. What’s wrong?” 

“You remember what I said about my father…building a dynasty?” Her tone immediately changed from clipped to nervous

“Yes, I remember.” 

“I joined Cerberus because they could help hide my sister from my father. He never stopped looking for her, however, and I just got word that he’s found her. I need to move her before he can get his hands on her” Her voice got more frantic as she spoke. Shepard had never seen her lose her trademark cool before

“Give the coordinates to Joker. We’ll go straight there” She didn’t need reassurance or pity, she needed an affirmation of action

Miranda sighed in relief. “Thank you, Shepard. I was worried you might not help…considering our past interactions” 

“You’re a part of my crew, Miranda. If you need help, I will do whatever I can to make it happen. Do you have a request for our third?” 

“I would prefer not taking Jack, Zaeed, or Grunt. I’ll leave the decision up to you” Shepard’s omnitool lit up with the mission information. He moved to close the feed, assuming their conversation over, but Miranda spoke up again. “And Shepard? Thank you” Such a genuine expression coupled with a very small smile, before she ended the transmission

Shepard paused for a moment in consideration. Normally, his choice would be Garrus for the third position. He’d become such an integral part of Shepard’s remaining sanity that he didn’t go anyway without him. Now though, with Irene’s gift sitting next to him, he was torn. How has this thief managed to get so deep without him noticing? Was it simply because she cared or was it something else? Something more. His resolved hardened and his choice became clear. Garrus would understand. 

[06.47.29] Chat room created.

To: Irene Adler  
From: Commander Shepard

[06.47.30] Invite sent.  
[06.47.50] Invite accepted.

[06.47.59][text] Want to run an errand with me and Miranda? 

[06.48.15][text] Another errand?   
[06.48.23][text] If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were warming up to me

Shepard chuckled to himself. Even through a text, her flirtatious nature shone through. 

[06.48.53][text] Is that a problem? 

[06.49.06][text] The crew will talk

[06.49.15][text] Let them.   
[06.49.17][text] Are you in? 

There was something about this girl that allowed a dormant part of himself to come out. Wise or not, it felt good. 

[06.49.25][text] For you? Always

For him. He knew that she was just being her typical coy self, but he liked the idea of her desiring him. There were lots of people in the galaxy that desired him, no doubt, but this was different. Different in a way he couldn’t place. 

[06.49.50][file uploaded]  
[06.49.52][file received] 

[06.50.01][text] Read up. We’re leaving as soon as we land

[06.50.20][text] I prefer men keep me up all night for reasons other than reading 

[06.50.29][text] Maybe next time 

[06.50.35] Chat room closed. 

Shepard wasn’t sure why he had been so damn frisky with Irene. Her whole personalty seemed to radiate a ‘come-hither’ vibe and it was so easy to get sucked in. He glanced to the gift Irene had given him. It would have to wait until tomorrow, he decided as he started writing his report.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, Shepard found Miranda pacing by the hatch impatiently with Irene leaning against a wall nearby, clearly uninterested. He noticed Joker wand Edi were being uncharacteristically quiet, probably unwilling to entice the wrath of the already agitated XO. 

“Are we ready?” Shepard asked the two women 

Miranda gave a short nod and proceeded out the hatch before Shepard could even respond and took the lead position. Irene gave a far slower nod and followed him out of the ship. Miranda found her contact easily at the Eternity Bar. Miranda lead them to a back room and spoke to an Asari Shepard assumed was her contact. 

After the conversation, the mission plan was simple. They would fly to the docking bay where Miranda’s sister and her family were being moved and make sure no one interfered. Niket, a friend from her former life, was handling the hand over and was apparently trustworthy. Miranda’s father appeared to be ready for them, judging by the number of Blue Suns ships in the docking bay. They were met by some haughty Blue Sun Engineer making demands of them. Shepard easily snapped his neck while Miranda and Irene took out the snipers. 

Several fights and a few docking bays later, Miranda finally came clean about this sister of hers. Oriana, her name was, was not a true sister, but a genetic clone of Miranda. Their father grew Oriana when Miranda was a teenager, so she stole her and fled. Miranda had her sister, a baby then, placed with a trustworthy and understanding family and still kept in constant contact. Shepard could empathize with her struggle and need to secure her sisters safety. If his sister was still around, he’d do everything in his power and then some to keep her safe. 

As they got closer to the extraction point, Niket’s trustworthiness was getting shakier and shakier to Shepard, even though Miranda tried so hard to deny it. It wasn’t until they were face to face with Niket and the Blue Suns captain that she was forced to face the truth. Niket was going to hand Oriana back over to their father and all because she ‘stole a baby from the best life she could have’. Shepard did nothing to stop Miranda from shooting the spineless bastard. He certainly would have done a hell of a lot worse to him. 

One last mop-up fight and Oriana was safe once more and none the wiser of the perils she was in. Miranda was going to leave without a word said to her sister, spouting something about her safety and her not needing to know. A gentle yet firm word from Shepard about the importance of Oriana knowing that she had a sister that cared for her was enough to send her away, leaving him standing by Irene. 

Shepard watched as Miranda walked towards Oriana, her whole body radiating awkwardness and unease. The two women exchanged a few words before embracing and sharing smiles and laughter. Such a touching sight that struck him to his core. All he could think of was his sister and how nice it would be if they had a reunion like this. Jane, standing off somewhere with her new family, and him walking up to her, scared and excited all at once. They’d embrace as long lost family would and he would never let her go again. He would do anything and everything for her, if she’d ask. This fantasy was causing his emotions to spiral out of control and it was taking more and more effort to keep the tears at bay. It wasn’t until he came out of the fantasy that he noticed that it felt like there was electricity skittering across it. He glanced to Irene, unsure of what was happening to him was happening to her. For all he knew, they came into contact with something and he was having a reaction. 

Irene was looking at him with a mix of surprise and confusion. “You’re biotic”

“No I’m not” He would know if he were biotic. Jane was a biotic and so he knew what happened when those abilities began to manifest. He was tested many times when he was younger, but they always came back negative

Irene stepped so close to him that he was surprised they weren’t touching. Her proximity was having an effect on the tingling, making it bend towards her in waves. 

“I’d have a discussion with Miranda if I were you,” Irene said softly before walking back towards the ship. 

The slight frown on her pretty lips practically confirmed his worse fears. Miranda started her way back to him, a relived smile on her face, but as soon as she saw Shepard, she stopped dead in her tracks. The fury was no doubt obvious to her, even at this distance.

Some time, and a rather lengthy discussion later, Shepard left Miranda’s office in a daze. While resurrecting him, she had decided to make him a biotic using some pretty unbelievable methods. He had nothing against biotics, but being made one when he was unable to consent was a huge betrayal in his eyes. He didn’t use that word to Miranda’s face, choosing instead to leave without a word. Walking without thought, he found himself outside of the Main Battery.

“Shepard. Need me…” Garrus started his usual greeting, but fell silent as soon as he saw his friend 

Shepard sat on the crate he usually sat on without a word said. Garrus sat next to him, knowing somethings was wrong here, but also knowing Shepard shared more when he was allowed to do so on his own. Some time later, Shepard finally spoke. 

“Miranda added more than just cybernetics to me when she brought me back” A humans voice was usually flat to a Turian, but this was far more so. Garrus chose not to say anything, knowing Shepard needed to come to terms with whatever was bothering him first. Shepard swallowed heavily, “I’m a biotic now” 

Garrus sat in silence, trying to comprehend how such a thing could be possible. “How does that work?” Probably not the best question to be asking at the current time

“Apparently, they grew the biotic glands and…grafted…them into my body” 

Garrus nodded his head as his friend finished speaking. He had heard of that technique, but not of it being successful. Apparently Cerberus was better at these science fiction based procedures than he had given them credit for. They would need to keep a close eye on them in the very near future. 

There was no way to really help his friend, so he placed his hand on Shepard’s leg and gave it a firm squeeze. The action seemed to help, as Shepard brought his hand to Garrus’, covering it and squeezing it back. 

Shepard looked up to his turian friend with a strained smile. “Thanks for being here with me, Garrus. I’d be lost without you”

“There are others here for you as well, Shepard” 

Shepard chuckled to himself as he squeezed Garrus’ hand again. “Still trying to fix me up with Irene, huh?” 

“Not her specifically, but she’s the best option right now” There was a silent moment between the two, before Garrus spoke again. “You should get some sleep, Shepard. We can talk more tomorrow” 

Shepard nodded to his friend and quietly took his leave. When he arrived in his quarters, he felt like he wasn’t alone, much like when he found Garrus lounging on his couch, but a cursory check revealed no one. He looked to the large, and empty, fish tank before he heard the tell tale electric fizzle of a cloak deactivating. 

“Irene” He sighed, his mood lightening with the knowledge she had come to his quarters without being asked

“So, scuttlebutt is that the Cerberus cheerleader went and did something naughty” 

When he looked towards the voice, he found her sitting in his desk chair with her feet kicked up on his desk and a book in hand. 

“Naughty isn’t the word I’d use” He spoke softly, feeling his mood beginning to sour once more

He walked to his small closet and began the process of removing his armor, since the talk with Miranda felt like it couldn’t wait. He was halfway through the mindless task before he realized that it was Irene in the room with him, not Garrus. He stole a glance behind him, wondering if he would make her uncomfortable to continue to undress in front her, but she seemed uninterested in him. That thought made him feel worse than the discussion with Miranda in some ways for an inexplicable reason. 

“In other words, the bitch had her way with your body in more than one way” Her voice was far harsher, almost like she felt the betrayal as much as he did

Shepard turned around to face her, concerned about why her tone had changed so drastically, but found she had disappeared again. He was just about to ask Edi if she could locate her when he heard her cloak deactivate behind him once more. When he turned back around, he was face to face with Irene, almost as close as they were on Ilium. The tingling on his skin renewed itself, again bending towards Irene. She reached up to his chest, but didn’t touch him. The tingling condensed and bits of it cracked off him and to her fingers, looking much like static electricity. 

He’d been out of the biotic game for some time, but he could remember what Alenko said whenever he did this to anyone, so he went with that. “I’m sorry”

Irene smirked, “No need to apologize, John.” Her voice was so soft, it made this whole situation a little better. She dropped her hand her, breaking the electric current that connected them. “Do you have a teacher?” 

“I haven’t gotten that far” Shepard turned to continue taking off his armor, even with Irene standing so close. Having stowed his armor successfully, he tore open the top half of his undersuit without thinking. Shepard turned, having completely forgotten about Irene, and almost ran into her. Another spark jumped from his chest to hers and he watched as it crawled across her breasts before dissipating. Luckily, it didn’t seem to bother her. 

“You need a teacher or that is going to get worse” Her voice was soft, yet firm

“Who would you suggest?” He tried to make his question sound like it was joking asked instead of legitimately asked, but he wasn’t sure he succeeded 

“Well, there’s Miranda,” A large spark leapt from Shepard to Irene at the sound of that woman's name. “Or not. Jacob or myself would be your best bet. Jack has been modified too much and the alien techniques would be incompatible with a human beginner” Shepard nodded mostly to himself, trying to figure out if he wanted to go to a Cerberus officer for teachings or if he wanted to muster up to courage to ask Irene for help.

“Would…you mind…” He started lamely. He was Commander fucking Shepard, for crying out loud. On any given day, he did more than entire civilizations did in their whole history. His name incited fear in criminals across the galaxy. Why was this one female turning him back into an awkward teenager? 

“I could teach you the basics, that’s for sure” She spoke with her trademark toothy grin, clearly enjoying herself. “Stop by my place when you’re free for a couple hours. Bring a couple of biotic rations with you” 

“Yes ma’am” his voice was low and husky despite not trying 

Irene gave him a smile unlike her typical ones, before leaving his quarters so quietly he was sure that if he didn’t know she was already there, he would never had known. After he changed out of his undersuit, he decided the bed did not look inciting, so instead he went to his desk and opened the model hip box. It only took a couple of hours of working on the ship for him to start to get tired enough to consider sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning he woke up, still tired, but no more than usual. He made his way down to the Mess Hall for his morning coffee and found the engineers already awake and chittering on about something technical. They acknowledged him, but quickly resumed their conversation. While pouring his coffee, Miranda came out of her office and came towards him immediately. 

Probably watching me through the cams, he thought bitterly 

She stopped about a meter away from him, looking like she was trying to not portray her nervousness. 

“Miranda,” Shepard greeted her first when it became obvious that she would not 

“Commander. How did you sleep?” Her voice was as level and cold as it normally was

“As well as I usually do” Shepard tried very hard to not let any emotion into his voice. He knew if he did that all his distaste for this woman and this situation would come through. The last thing he needed was that added drama 

“That’s good,” The coolness had left her voice, leaving the awkwardness behind. “If you would like…” She started, but tapered off. A deep breathe and she tried again. “You need to train your biotics,” And the cool professionalism was back. “I would be happy to help you” 

“Thank you, Miranda, but Irene has already offered” The sick thrill he got from watching her face fall at his rejection probably made him a bad person, but at this point, he simply couldn’t bring himself to care

“Of course, Commander. It’s your decision. If you decide you need an adequate teacher, you know where to find me” 

It’s a good thing Miranda chose to go back to her office, as Shepard wasn’t sure he could keep his temper in check. He knew Miranda always thought she was better than everyone else, but she crossed a line when she attacked Irene. Miranda may have brought him back from the dead, but she also crossed a lot of lines in doing so. Irene, however, made him feel human again. 

Shepard decided he needed some pleasant company, so he grabbed three biotics rations and went to the Port Observation Deck. This time he didn’t bother knocking, knowing Irene wouldn’t mind. He found Irene sitting on the couch a book in one hand and a drink in the other. The thing he noticed more so was that her black light armor was zipped down in the front, revealing the pale skin and curve of her breasts. 

“Commander,” Her voice showed just how surprised she was. “You usually knock” She set down her drink and book, then zipped her armor back up 

“Forgive me. I should have. I was upset and wasn’t thinking” Shepard considered leaving

“Seems like Miranda has that effect on you” She joked 

“Do you make it a habit to stalk me?” he sat down on the couch with her, setting the rations between them

“I stalk people I find interesting,” again with the flirty tone. “And I find you very interesting” She gave him a small smile. 

Shepard tried to not let her words affect him. He liked the attention she gave him, but he just didn’t know yet if she were being genuine. She was a master at this game, clearly. But did it matter if he did get sucked in? The Reapers were still out there, waiting until they could strike, and the Council was doing nothing about it, choosing instead to ignore it all. Was he not allowed to be happy, if even for a short amount of time? 

“John?” Irene’s soft voice brought him out of his own mind. She moved when he wasn’t paying attention and was now kneeling next to him with a hand on his shoulder

“Yes?” 

“I asked you if you wanted to train today, but we can just talk if you’d like” 

“I’m sorry. My mind is elsewhere” 

“So I noticed. Also, stop apologizing” Shepard had to bite his tongue to stop himself from apologizing again. “You’re doing remarkably well, given the circumstances” She spoke after a moment of silence

“Doing what remarkably well?”

“Controlling your biotics. You were not born a biotic and have zero training, and yet, you had your abilities so under control that you had no idea you even had them”

“How does one learn to control their biotics?” Shepard asked after another moment of silence

“You learn to control your emotions, first and fore most. I’ve noticed you have yours pretty locked down since there have only been a few times I’ve noticed any spikes from you. Painful memories, perhaps? Remembering your dead sister?” 

Oh, she was good. She had clearly done her research on him and had enough perception to fill in the blanks. Cerberus says they found her, but clearly it was only because she let them. 

“Good guess” He said with a smile

“It wasn’t a guess, but thank you” She returned his smile, albeit far smaller

The two of them sat in companionable silence, for how long, Shepard did not know. He quite enjoyed it. No lives needing saving, no bullets needing dodging, and no Cerberus trying to fuck with him. He liked just existing with an understanding woman. Briefly,he wondered if this was what it was like to be married and living a normal life. A gentle tug on his hand brought him out of his wanderings. Irene was kneeling on the floor in front of him and urging him to follow. As if he could say no to her now. 

“I’m going to teach you a meditation trick” She explained without him asking

Irene told him how to use his emotions to control his biotics in theory and guided him through the meditation that was supposed to help in practice. He had no idea how long they stayed there on the floor with her gentle voice coaching him through the process. He wished this would never end, but it was a foolish wish when Cerberus was in the same system as him. 

“Commander?” Jokers timid voice broke over the comm system

Shepard sighed heavily. “What is it Joker?” He spoke far sharper than the pilot deserved

“The Illusive Man in waiting for you. Said it’s urgent” The sympathy in his voice was evident, making feel sorry for snapping at him. Shepard made a note to do something for Joker sometime

“Thank you Joker” Shepard spoke with a softer tone. “I’ll be right there” 

The comm cut out, leaving Shepard to sigh heavily again. 

“All work and no play…” Irene jokingly stated 

Shepard stood up while offering a hand to Irene. “The problems with command” He tried to joke, but he was pretty sure it came across as forlorn

Irene took his offered hand, clearly intending to simply use it as leverage to help herself up, but that was not what Shepard had planned. Instead he pulled her up against his body roughly and snaked a hand around her to hold her against him firmly. She gave such a feminine gasp when her body made contact with his and her free hand came up to his shoulder, not to push him away, but to grip it. Shepard felt so emboldened by her reaction to his proximity that he couldn’t help himself but to lean in and touch his lips to hers softly in what was probably his first kiss in years. The hand on his shoulder tightened as she, ever so slightly, kissed him back. 

The sound of the door to the room opening signaled the end of the moment, but even the familiar sound of Miranda’s footfalls couldn’t bring his mood down. He released Irene’s lips, trailing them gently across her cheek to her ear. 

“Thank you, my love” 

The sound of her breathe catching brought a smile to his lips. Miranda made an undignified sound to get Shepard’s attention. Somehow he found the self-control to pull away from her and seeing her slightly shocked expression gave him renewed confidence. He quickly walked right past Miranda, barley looking at her since their conversation was still quite fresh. Miranda fell into step right behind him and followed him into the elevator. 

“The Illusive Man has been waiting for you” She spoke in her usual crisp tones, but there was something else there as well. “I didn’t realize that your personal conquests took precedence over the mission” 

Shepard finally looked at Miranda and saw the emotion that was creeping into her voice. 

“They don’t take precedence over the mission. They do, however, take precedence over having to interact with your lying boss” 

Miranda had always defended Cerberus and their practices to anyone that would listen. She chose to stay quiet this time for whatever reason. Shepard could ask her about it, but he simply couldn’t be bothered to try and interrogate her about it. The answer wasn’t worth the effort.


	8. Chapter 8

The Illusive Man didn’t seem as bothered by Shepard taking his time to answer this call, though nothing Shepard said or did to the man seemed to really have any effect. This call, thankfully, had a point. A Collector Ship had been disabled by a Turian patrol and was now drifting without power. With the coordinates given to Joker, Shepard needed to decide his team and brief them. When the doors to the Comm room opened, he was greeted by Miranda. 

“What did he want?” 

“You don’t know already?” It made him a little happy to know that his nanny didn’t know everything 

“He only tells me what I need to know” She answered crisply 

Shepard shook his head. He really hoped that one day she’d open her eyes to what was really happening here, but clearly that day is not today. 

“A Turian patrol managed to disable a Collector Ship. We’re going to investigate” Short and to the point. She deserved nothing more 

Miranda nodded her head thoughtfully and followed when Shepard started walking towards the elevator. “Have you given any thought to your team?” Her mood seemed to have improved 

“Garrus and Irene will accompany me” 

Miranda made another undignified sound to illustrate her displeasure. “A washed up cop and your conquest?” 

“Enough Miranda!” Shepard’s temper had finally reached it’s limit, causing him to lash out at his unwanted XO. The outburst caught her off guard as well, startling her into silent attention. Neither moved or made a noise until the elevator doors opened at the Crew's Quarters. “You were made the XO because you’re loyal to a terrorist organization, not because you’re actually fit for the position. This is my ship, Miranda. You will be respectful to everyone here, not just the people you think deserve it. Understood?” He was practically yelling at her by the end of it

Miranda took measured breathes before slowly nodding. “Perfectly, Commander.” She quickly turned on her heel and left the elevator 

Shepard just stood there for a moment trying to collect himself. He could feel the electricity crawling across his skin, probably from Miranda inciting his rage. 

“Do you require assistance, Commander?” Edi’s voice echoed slightly 

“No, Edi. I just need a moment” He tried to reply calmly to the disembodied voice of the resident AI. She didn’t deserve any of his temper

“Would you like me to call Irene?” 

Shepard chuckled to himself humorlessly. Really seemed like he didn’t have any privacy on this ship. 

“No need, Edi” Irene’s voice didn’t echo in the elevator like Edi’s. “I’m already here” She placed a hand on his shoulder timidly. “What happened?” Her voice was far softer now 

“We have a new mission. Miranda didn’t approve of my ground team choice” 

Irene smiled softly. “You pick a team of aliens? She does work for pro-human terrorist group”

“Only one alien, but she has a pretty low opinion of humans as well” Shepard grabbed her hand and simply held it, feeling the electricity slowly fade. Thankfully, Irene didn’t mind. “We’re heading to a disabled Collector Ship. You’re up, so prepare yourself”

Irene nodded her head gently before returning to her room. Garrus only required the same simple brief as Irene. These were the type of people Shepard preferred working with. People who didn’t need their hand to be held through a mission. Before long, they reached the Collector Ship and several things became obvious very quickly. 

The Collector Ship was clearly offline at the moment. It seemed like the Turian patrol had somehow knocked the power out without causing any damage to the hull of the ship. 

“Seems unlikely a Turian patrol could take that down” Garrus was talking mostly to himself after getting a good look of the Collector Ship from in the cockpit 

“Something smells” Irene was standing next to Garrus, who nodded in agreement

“All scans say it completely dark” Joker piped in

“Pull up along side of it. We’ll hop over and check it out. Be ready, Joker” Shepard patted Jokers shoulder gently 

“You know it” Joker replied in his usual flippant way

The trio made the jump from the Normandy to a conveniently open hatch door on the Collector Ship. With any luck, this would be a nice, straight forward mission. 

Shepard knew not to trust The Illusive Man when it came to these missions and this one was a good example of why.

Genetically modified Protheans led by “Harbinger” that seemed to have an unhealthy obsession with Shepard. They had set a trap for him and The Illusive Man had made them trip it. Yes, Edi managed to save them and yes, she managed to get information that proved to be very helpful, but Shepard hated having someone withholding information and actively endangering his crew. The Illusive Man didn’t care about his crew at the end of the day and the only ones who thought different were being paid for their ignorance. 

Miranda, Jacob, and Mordin met with Shepard in the Communications room to go over some of the data Edi grabbed from the Collector Ship. Edi found flight data that showed that the Collector Base was located in the center of the galaxy. With the Collectors working with the Reapers, it made sense how they possessed the technology to hide a base in such an inhospitable place. 

Their next mission was clear. Acquiring an IFF from a derelict Reaper and taking the Omega Four Relay and assault the Collector Base. 

“I say we go for it” Jacob suggested brashly 

“No, we need to build our team” Miranda’s cold tone was beginning to grate on Shepard’s nerves

Mordin stayed silence for once, probably knowing how the chain of command worked better than these two. 

“We’re going to work on the team. I’m not going to go anywhere near a Reaper, dead or no, until I know we’re ready” 

Mordin nodded quickly and went back to his lab. Jacob saluted like it mattered and went back to the armory. That left Miranda, who decided to linger. 

“What’s the plan of action?” She kept her professional tone, but her posture was far more relaxed

“Mordin had something to do on Tuchanka. Grunt has been having some problems, so I figured we’d head there and do both” Shepard left the Communication room and headed to the elevator. Miranda followed after him

“That’s a good idea, Commander. I can give the order to Joker right away” 

Shepard pressed the button to get to the crew quarters. All he wanted was to get something to eat and take a nice shower. This whole situation he was in was slowly wearing on him and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle being leashed to Cerberus. At least he has some people on this ship he knew he could count on. The elevator doors opened, but Miranda made no motion to leave. 

“Something you need?” 

“You remember that Irene is a criminal, right?” 

Shepard couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. “Really?I would have never guessed” He was able to his anger in check with her, but not his sarcasm 

“She can’t be trusted” She said more loudly than she needed

“Let me think. Who’s more trustworthy in this situation: the terrorist or the thief?” Shepard stepped into Miranda’s space and spoke softly in her ear “I’ll take my chances with the thief” 

Shepard left her in the elevator going towards the mess hall for some late dinner. The mess hall was empty as he went and grabbed a tray of dinner that Garner had left for him. As he examined his meal, he heard Miranda enter her office. Breathing a little easier, he decided to head back to his room to eat. If nothing else it would limit the chance of Miranda trying to talk to him again. Entering the room, he found Garrus casually lounging on his couch. 

“Miranda trying to keep you all to herself?” Garrus asked slyly 

“The debrief simply went on longer than I wanted” Shepard walked over the other couch and sat down to eat

“I heard there was more than that” His tone was somewhere between cocky and concerned 

“I wonder who you heard that from” 

Garrus hummed instead of giving a response. Shepard just shook his head and started to eat his dinner. He was hoping that Garrus wouldn’t push the subject, but he also knew better. Once Shepard neared finishing his dinner, Garrus spoke up again. 

“So, what happened?” 

“You don’t know?” 

Garrus reclined back while giving Shepard a measured look. “I don’t actually. I was told that something happened before the Collector mission between you two and that Miranda cornered you in the elevator just now” 

Shepard set his empty tray of food down on the coffee, then reclined back to mirror Garrus. 

“Edi or Irene. Which was it?” Garrus splayed his mandibles out in the Turian version of a smile. “Irene then” He stated mostly to himself

“She was worried about you and asked that I talk with you. Make sure you’re doing ok” 

Shepard chuckled to himself. “Miranda doesn’t like Irene and has been trying to warn me away from her” 

“Miranda doesn’t like anyone that’s not Cerberus” 

“No, there’s something more,” Shepard shook his head. “There’s something about Irene specifically” 

“Any idea as to what that it is?” Shepard shrugged his shoulder, not wanting to keep things from his best friend, but also not sure how to explain the situation. Garrus, ever the detective, noticed. “Shepard. You can tell me anything” 

“I know, Garrus. I’m just getting really confused by everything” 

“Well, sometimes talking abut it helps” Garrus kept his voice low and his subharmonics soft, most likely in a Turian attempt to sooth Shepard 

“I know Garrus. Put simply, I think Miranda is jealous” 

Garrus’ brow plates raised slightly. “Jealous? Of Irene? Miranda believes she’s perfect. Why would she be jealous?” 

“I think her walking in on me kissing Irene had a lot to do with it” 

Garrus was silent for a moment, most likely working through that statement. “Why I am I just learning about this?” He sound downright offended

“The Collector mission got in the way. Otherwise I would have gone straight to the Main Battery and told you” Shepard said with a smile

“That good?” Garrus tone had changed from offended to cocky

“It wasn’t a passionate kiss or anything. I’m still not sure what she thinks of it all. I didn’t exactly get a chance to ask” 

Garrus shifted forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “What did she do afterward?”

Shepard shrugged again. “Not much. She looked surprised, to be sure.” 

Garrus sighed heavily while leaning back again. “She appeared on the CIC and sent me up here. Clearly you didn’t offend her. Miranda seems to be your biggest problem” 

Shepard just laughed to himself. “We’re facing down a nearly unstoppable race of sentient machines and their pawns and here we are, discussing my love life” 

“We’ve been through hell and back together and now we’re preparing to do it again. If any deserves a little happiness before certain death, it’s you” 

“And what about you?” 

“You were dead for two years. I wasn’t” Garrus flexed his mandibles outward

“Oh, I get it. You were playing while I was indisposed of” Shepard smirked at his good friend

Garrus stood up to leave for the night, but stopped in front of Shepard. He placed his taloned hand on Shepard’s shoulder and squeezed it in a very human gesture. “If you want Irene, don’t let Miranda get in your way” And with that he left

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I wrote for fun. It was suggested I add it here and see what other people think of it. Updates will be sporadic, so be warned. I will add tags as I add new characters and cover new subjects.


End file.
